Psychologist Komal Baxi: Play, Not Pressure, Helps Parents Connect with Teenagers

Psychologist Komal Baxi, a certified RCI specialist from Gujarat with over 15 years of experience, asserts that one of the simplest ways to establish an emotional connection with children is through play.

In a video published on Instagram (@psychologist_komalbaxi), Baxi, who works on preventing mental health issues, parenting, emotional well-being, and relationships through The Prevention Project, explains why dedicating time to playing with children can help parents understand them better, even as they get older.

How Play Can Foster Dialogue

Baxi notes that children behave differently around their mother and father because they are very intelligent and know what to say and what to hide from whom.

As children grow and enter adolescence, their inner world, friendships, and concerns become increasingly complex. They may not always be ready to discuss what worries them, even if parents wish to help.

According to Baxi, maintaining an emotional connection allows parents to understand and support their children at different stages of life. Play can offer a way to build this connection without every interaction feeling like a discussion about a problem.

Setting Aside Time for Play, Even When Children Grow Up

Her advice is simple: dedicate at least 15-20 minutes daily to active play with children. This can include playing board games together at home, going for walks outdoors, laughing, or even having small playful arguments. It is important to find activities that both the parent and child enjoy, adapting them as the child grows.

For teenagers, this does not necessarily mean taking out toys that are already too small for them. It could be a favorite game, a shared activity, or simply setting aside time for fun without any agenda. Baxi believes this reduces the pressure that children sometimes feel when parents sit down with them for a serious face-to-face conversation. When the focus shifts to an activity they enjoy, children may feel more comfortable opening up about what's on their minds.

Connection Before Conversation

Baxi emphasizes that communication is not always most effective in a formal setting where parents ask questions and expect answers. Sometimes it is the everyday moments of play, laughter, and spending time together that ease the process of exchanging thoughts.

The point is not to turn every game into an opportunity to gather information from a teenager. Rather, the goal is to create a relationship where the teenager feels confident enough to approach their parents when they are ready to talk. As Baxi explains, emotional connection can simplify parenting, and it doesn't always start with finding the right words. Sometimes it starts by setting aside 15 minutes, joining the child in play, and enjoying each other's company.

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thebetterindia.comOctober 5, 15:35

Mumbai Mother Rejects Social Media Ideal Parenting for a Simpler Approach

When Merlin D'Souza returns home from work, the day is long over. However, in Mumbai, she is greeted by her children—two of them who run to hug her. For Merlin, who is the Deputy Director of Public Relations at EL SOL Strategic Consultants and mother to a six-year-old daughter and a one-year-old son, this moment of the day is the most anticipated.

She has learned an important lesson about motherhood: being an involved parent does not mean being available every minute. Sometimes it simply means being fully present in the moment when you are there.

Rejecting the Checklist of the Perfect Mother

Merlin became a mother in 2020, when the outside world felt uncertain and overwhelming. Having a child during the pandemic helped her realize how quickly life boils down to what truly matters. Instead of trying to conform to the image of the 'perfect' mother or professional, she began to form her own definition of motherhood.

Her first pregnancy brought its challenges: from physical and emotional strain to breastfeeding issues, body changes, and hair loss, all against the backdrop of isolation at the start of COVID-19. She notes that 'expecting perfection amidst all of this is an unbearable burden.'

Motherhood for the second time reinforced this conclusion. For Merlin, being a good mother is no longer tied to flawlessly executing every task. More important is that her children feel loved, safe, and understood. As she says: 'Children don't need a picture-perfect mother; they just need you.'

For Her, Presence Starts at the Front Door

Merlin's working days are possible because she doesn't try to handle everything alone. While she is at work, her husband and mother-in-law take care of the children. Knowing that the children are safe, loved, and supervised allows her to focus on work without constantly feeling guilty about being away from home.

When she returns home, she intentionally switches into 'mom mode.' One of her simple rituals is bathing the children before bed. Although it seems minor, these everyday moments allow her to slow down and reconnect with them.

With her six-year-old daughter, this connection is often established through games and conversations. Her daughter puts on spontaneous dances, sings, and tells stories about her day, and Merlin happily acts as the audience and cheerleader. Her one-year-old son requires a different approach: for him, contact often comes down to being held, feeling the warmth of her hands, or knowing she is nearby while he explores the world.

Merlin emphasizes that giving both children individual attention is not about equal distribution of time, but about understanding each child's needs at their current stage of life.

Rest is Also Part of Parenting

Naturally, being involved is harder when you are exhausted. On such days, Merlin has learned to listen to her boundaries. Her husband often reminds her to take a nap when she is tired. This support helped her view rest in a new light. She realized that taking a break doesn't mean she is doing less for the family; sometimes self-care helps her return to the family with more patience and emotional reserves.

This shift also changed her approach to difficult moments with her children. There is a clear rule in their house: parents do not raise their hands. During a tantrum or a difficult situation, the focus is on giving children space to process their feelings, rather than controlling them through fear.

Merlin has also stopped comparing her motherhood to others'. Her advice to parents who constantly worry about doing everything right is simple: understand, don't control; be an emotional support for your partner, and finally, let go. She concludes: 'Don't compare. We all have our unique path, and we cannot tell the same stories.'

Perhaps the most comforting part of Merlin's approach is the absence of complex routines, perfect balance, or checklists. Some days will be chaotic. Some days will be tiring. But some days will end with two small hugs greeting you at the front door. For Merlin, that is enough.