The author shares personal experience, recounting his father, who was a man reserved in words. He often called and would say, 'Mom asked me to call,' and then simply ask, 'Hi, how are you and what are you doing? Have you eaten?'
These few phrases held immense meaning for the author because they could heal almost any problem. The author believes that for his father, hearing his voice and knowing he was okay was enough to have a good day.
The author notes that the question 'Have you eaten?' is the first question parents ask us, and these questions remain unchanged even at the end of life. We enter life needing care, support, and greetings, and we leave about the same way.
Scientific research confirms the significance of these small questions. In a study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison, scientists increased the stress level in 61 girls aged seven to twelve. When some girls were helped by their mothers in person, and others over the phone, the hormonal response was almost identical: oxytocin, the bonding hormone, significantly increased, while cortisol, the stress hormone, decreased. Text messages did not have the same effect.
A familiar voice calms us, and the author's father did exactly that in both directions. This is why losing one's voice causes such deep pain. Grief counselors note that the sound of a loved one's voice is among the sensory memories that begin to fade.
The author emphasizes that parents never forget their children's birthdays, considering them turning points in their lives. However, many allow their parents' days to pass unnoticed, turning Mother's Day into a forwarded message and Father's Day into a quick call between work commitments due to being busy.
The Importance of Attending to Parents
The author urges valuing these moments, visiting parents in person, accepting treats, and listening to stories heard hundreds of times. He shares an experience visiting a nursing home where he observed elderly people. Many of them seemed lost without family but found comfort in the company of gathered people.
These people asked very little: recognition of their existence and someone to sincerely say 'hello' to them. Their smiles were priceless. Here, just like at the beginning and the end, were people who once built families and ran businesses, and whom caregivers asked about eating.
They know how to distinguish sincerity from pretense. Many have few plans for the future but try to get the most out of their remaining lives. The author concludes that as a society, we have let these people down.
In the nursing home, one father waited for a call to ask if his daughter had eaten. This call costs nothing but can be the most valuable action of the week.
Practical Aspects of Care
Caring for parents also includes helping them organize their affairs while they can still state their wishes. According to the Sanlam Legacy 2026 survey, conducted as part of National Will Month, only 28% of respondents have a valid will, and 39% of them have not informed their families of its location or contents. Without a will, the law decides who inherits, bank accounts are frozen, and inheritance procedures can take years.
The author advises helping parents create or update a will, finding out where it is stored, and asking them to express their wishes in their own words. Early settlement of the end allows everyone to enjoy this interim period.
Another Greeting
The author plans to continue making this call during travels as a way to greet someone who spoke so much with few words. If your parents are still alive and willing to answer, do not wait to be asked to call; just call. Ask if they have eaten. Remember their birthday the way they always remembered yours. If you pass by a nursing home, stop in and greet someone who has no one to tell them, and do it sincerely. They will understand.