After a long day, parents often ask children simple questions, but instead of an answer, they might receive silence, tears, or an unexpected emotional outburst.
A parenting coach and mother of two, Rachel Taiebi, noticed a similar pattern in her older son. Her discoveries changed their approach to the afternoon.
When her son started school, the morning hours were challenging. After the COVID-19 pandemic, this struggle resumed, but the most confusion arose during the afternoon moments. He might throw his school backpack, cry over trifles, or come home angry at everyone.
Rachel wondered if he disliked school or if something had happened during the day. Children are expected to sit still for hours, listen, wait, follow instructions, complete work, and manage their emotions. By evening, they can be completely exhausted.
When children finally see their most reliable person, they may stop holding back all their feelings. Tears, anger, whining, and tantrums come out because they feel safe enough to relax.
Sometimes children are not creating problems for their parents; they themselves are going through a difficult period. And home becomes the place where they feel safe enough to show it.
After school, parents often ask many questions: 'How was school?', 'What homework do you have?', 'Did you eat?', but children may not be ready to answer yet.
Rachel calls the first twenty minutes after school the 'landing window.' The goal of this time is not to gather information, but to help the child regain calmness and connection with those around them.
Instead of immediately starting to question, it is recommended to say: 'I am glad you are home.' Offer a hug, a smile, or a gentle touch. Allow the child's body to settle before demanding mental effort from them.
Tired, hungry, and thirsty children may have difficulty regulating their emotions. It is worth offering them a snack and water, sitting nearby, and giving them some space to calm down before asking anything.
Rachel found that movement was especially beneficial for her son. They ran, rode bikes, jumped, or played cricket. After long hours of sitting, his body simply needed a way to release energy.
Once the child has calmed down, soft questions should be asked, such as: 'What made you laugh today?' or 'Who sat next to you during lunch?' Small questions can significantly ease the start of a conversation.
And when the child answers, do not rush to give advice or try to solve the problem. Remain curious. Simply saying, 'Tell me more,' is enough. Sometimes the ability to be heard is more helpful than solving the problem.
The principle of 'Arrived. Ate. Moved. Connected. Then homework' helped Rachel change their afternoons. When children feel calm, they learn better. When they feel connected, they are more likely to open up.