This story is part of the series 'Parenting: What Google Doesn't Talk About' by The Better India, which documents real family approaches to child-rearing, going beyond conventional advice. The series presents honest and diverse views from parents, parenting coaches, influencers, and experts on the questions, choices, difficulties, and solutions that shape daily parenting.
When Arvind Ramasoukh returns home after a long workday, he is often met with many tasks: decisions to be made, emails requiring replies, and responsibilities related to running his business. However, before diving into these, he has a small ritual.
He hugs his children and then asks them about their day. He consciously avoids questions about homework, grades, or what the children managed to finish. Instead, he asks: 'Were you happy today? What made you happy?'
These fifteen minutes have become one of the most significant parts of Arvind's day. In an candid conversation with The Better India, Arvind shares how this simple ritual helped him better understand his three children, and why sometimes a parent's presence is more important than performing many actions—it is the ability to listen.
The Question Beyond Homework and Grades
This routine is intentionally simple. It greets the children with a hug and dedicates a little time to learn about their day. But there is one question he consciously chooses to ask: 'I ask them if they were happy and, more importantly, what made them happy.'
For Arvind, this distinction matters. Instead of immediately shifting the conversation to studies, grades, activities, or achievements, he first wants to know about their personal experience. He notes: 'Those things are also important, but I want them to know that I am interested in more than what they achieved.'
A child's answer to this simple question sometimes opens a small window into their world. It might be something a friend said, something they learned, a game they enjoyed, or a tiny moment an adult might overlook.
Explaining this, Arvind says: 'When I ask what made them happy, I am actually asking them what was important to them that day.'
Learning to See the World Through Children's Eyes
Over time, he began to think about the message our questions send to our children. He asserts: 'If we keep asking about what they achieved, they absorb that we are looking for achievements. When we ask what made them happy, we tell them that their experience is also important to us.'
The more consistently he did this, the more he noticed. He learned what makes his children happy, what they look forward to, and what small things can brighten their day. Sometimes these conversations also help him notice if something is bothering them.
The ritual taught him another thing: children are constantly observing. He notes: 'They notice so much happening around them and remember small details that we might not even think they noticed.'
By listening to their stories about these details, Arvind believes that parents gain something invaluable—a view of how their children perceive the world.
Fifteen Minutes That Became a Habit
Of course, not every evening is the same. There are days when the children have a lot to say, and there are days when there is nothing to talk about. However, the regularity itself has gained great significance. The children know that when their father comes home, there is time for them.
Perhaps this is what makes the ritual effective. For Arvind, the lesson is simple: maintaining connection with children does not always require more time, more activities, or grander gestures. Sometimes a hug at the end of a long day, a question that goes beyond achievements, and a willingness to listen sincerely is enough.
He concludes: 'Over time, you realize you don't even need to ask the question. The conversation just starts on its own if you learn to listen.'