Every year in India, the wedding season arrives, filling banquet halls, reviving old contacts, and causing a surge in activity on dating apps. In the process of searching for the ideal partner, a quiet ritual emerges—the compilation of biodata. This document, which appears to be a simple one-page profile, actually reflects changes in India: what families are still looking for, what young Indians now expect from a partner, and how the concept of a 'good match' is being rewritten.
Historically, biodata followed a rather predictable template: age, height, skin color, caste, salary, and marital status. For women, descriptions like 'fair,' 'homemaker,' and 'polite' were often used. Men were assessed based on job stability, income, assets, and family status.
Mamata, a 52-year-old resident of Uttar Pradesh, recalls that these factors still play a significant role in rural areas, although expectations are changing as they approach urban centers. She told TOI that previously, relatives might visit the girl's family to inquire about her height, age, hobbies, and most importantly, cooking skills. Furthermore, the girl's family was rarely allowed to ask questions of the other side, creating an awkward atmosphere.
However, Mamata sees a clear difference in the younger generation's approach to marriage. She notes that if parents of her generation were looking for a match for her, they would consider the aforementioned factors, but for her daughter, who works and lives abroad, these things might not matter. Thus, the difference lies not only in the content of the biodata but also in who decides what matters.
What has changed and what has remained the same
The format of biodata itself, according to Shalini Singh, founder of the dating platform Andwemet, has surprisingly changed very little despite the evolution of views on marriage. She believes that it is not the format that needs changing, but the mindset of the people compiling these documents, and those willing to evolve are the ones who find the best matches.
Relationship coach Siddharth S Kumar from NumroVani sees the shift not so much in the document itself, but in its purpose. He argues that the focus is gradually moving from the question, 'Is this family socially suitable?' to 'Can these two realistically build a life together?' Kumar also points to a change in process control: where parents were once the primary custodians of biodata, people are now increasingly managing their own profiles and decisions, sometimes with the support of coaches or artificial intelligence.
Kumar emphasized that parents use biodata to reduce social uncertainty, whereas their children use it to reduce relational uncertainty. Verona Matchmaking, another platform interviewed by TOI, points to a broader shift—the changing role of courtship itself. Young Indians increasingly want the opportunity to meet, spend time together, and truly get to know each other before making a decision about marriage, which was not the norm before.
There is, however, a paradoxical point: the better people describe the desired qualities of a partner, the higher the risk of overly strict filtering of candidates. Therefore, Verona Matchmaking insists on the importance of maintaining an open mind during the process, asserting that the goal should not be finding a perfect checklist match, but finding a person worth getting to know.
From 'Suitability' to 'Compatibility'
Among those currently seeking partners, this shift is noticeable in the questions they ask. Rupali Rani, a client manager at The Reppro, told TOI that financial stability is important, but that is no longer enough. She prefers having a meaningful conversation with a person and ensuring a match in values, rather than just ticking off ten points on biodata only to face difficulties in real life.
For Rani, the change is particularly noticeable in women's expectations of marriage: the focus is shifting from 'Will you fit into my family?' to 'Will our lives align?' She added that she would prefer an awkward conversation at the beginning over comfortable misunderstanding that becomes a problem later. Her career, lifestyle, and independence are very important to her, and while relationships will require mutual adjustments, she stressed that adaptation and compromise are different things.
Data provided by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) also indicates broader changes in women's lives. In India, efforts to delay girls' marriages have contributed to a decrease in marriages under 18 from 47% in 2006 to 23% in 2019–2021. During the same period, the proportion of girls completing secondary education increased from 34% to 48%.
Men are also changing the rules of the game
However, women are not the only ones revising the rules of modern dating. Men are also opposing transactional evaluation in the search for a genuine emotional connection. Shivam Sharma, who is currently looking for a partner, told TOI that questions about his annual income (CTC), job, assets, family responsibilities, and career plans are often asked by the prospective bride. He understands the reason for such questions but believes that a man's worth should not be reduced to his income or assets.
Sharma believes that families should also be interested in a man's ambitions, his values, work ethic, financial plans, and how he treats his responsibilities to his family. He also sees a change in who makes the final decision. Although both families may participate, the decision is increasingly left to the two people who are going to spend their lives together, which he considers a positive change.
Nevertheless, traditional expectations of women have not completely disappeared. Sharma noted that concepts like 'good family' and 'homemaker' still influence partner selection, but personally, he does not consider external factors like height or skin color important. To him, good character, understanding, compatibility, and family values matter much more. He also does not expect his future wife to abandon her ambitions, friendships, interests, or individuality after marriage. He believes that marriage should not prevent her from traveling, spending time with friends, or doing what brings her joy; she should have her own space and freedom, just as he does.
He added that major decisions, including family planning, should be discussed and made jointly. 'Marriage should imply adjustments from both sides, not sacrifices expected only from one person,' he concluded.
Biodata versus Personality
For those who have gone through the dating process, the importance of biodata can look different in retrospect. What seemed important when searching for a partner does not always matter when two people start building a life together. Vaibhavi Srivastava, an assistant client manager in corporate communications and PR, and Prakar Mathur, a software testing engineer, are now married. Speaking to TOI, they shared what they looked for in each other in the biodata and how their view of a 'good match' has changed. Srivastava focused more on personality than on family: she looked for educational qualifications, career, future plans, and a progressive, open partner who supported her ambitions, and she preferred a small family.
Mathur initially considered age but soon focused on personality, education, and career goals. He liked that Srivastava 'has her own goals and clear ideas about her future.' For both, compatibility and mutual support proved more important than simply ticking boxes. Srivastava now pays more attention to family values and communication, while Mathur believes that biodata reveals only a limited amount of information. He noted: 'True priorities will show up during conversations about your communication style and outlook on life.'
Neither of them considered caste or family status decisive factors, as they believe relationships exist between two people who are marrying.
The Old Checklist Slowly Evolves
The shift towards compatibility does not mean that the traditional marriage checklist has disappeared. Caste, skin color, height, income, and family background continue to influence partner selection, although their significance varies across different families and generations. Sharma believes that caste is still important, but the barrier is less high than in his parents' generation. He explains this due to greater interaction through education, workplaces, and social circles, which has made youth more open to inter-caste relationships. He concludes: 'I don't think caste has disappeared, but I believe compatibility, understanding, and personal choice are becoming more important,' adding that marriage decisions increasingly concern two individuals rather than their caste origin.
Rani sees a similar transition. Preferences for someone 'fair,' a 'homemaker,' or from a 'good family' persist, even when others prioritize a stable career, emotional maturity, and shared values. She says: 'We are in a transitional period. The old checklist hasn't disappeared; it has just started taking a place next to the new one.'
Ankur Gola, a resident of Delhi who recently got married, told TOI: 'My family was ready to agree to anyone I considered, but there was an orthodox condition that the person should not be from a lower caste or Muslim; which was hard for me to accept because I was never taught to discriminate against people... I decided to break this cycle.'
New Words, Old Prejudices
Siddharth Kumar goes further, arguing that traditional factors do not necessarily disappear; sometimes they are simply given new names. Caste can be described as 'cultural compatibility' or 'similar traditions.' Skin color and appearance can become 'attractive,' 'well-groomed,' or 'fitness-conscious,' and family status can appear as 'similar upbringing,' 'compatible lifestyle,' or 'prosperous family.'
Even the phrase 'our vibes didn't match' can sometimes serve as a convenient umbrella term for discomfort related to appearance, accent, class, caste habits, or family culture without explicitly naming the criterion. Kumar notes: 'These expressions are not inherently discriminatory, but they can mask old preferences. The language of dating has modernized faster than the underlying selection criteria.'
Thus, the transition is not a complete break with the past. The vocabulary of dating is changing, but some old filters quietly continue to determine who is considered a 'good match.'