The series 'Parenting: What Google Doesn't Tell You' by The Better India documents the real experiences of families regarding parenting, going beyond commonly accepted advice. As part of this series, which highlights honest and diverse views from parents, coaches, and experts, Gayatri Prakash, a mother of three from Chennai, shares the story of an ordinary morning that transformed her view of calm parenting.
While visiting relatives in Bengaluru and preparing for an evening flight back to Chennai, her son Jug, who was about five or six years old, was playing with his cousins. Suddenly, she heard her niece scream. Gayatri recalls: 'He was already covered in blood, from his head to his T-shirt, and the blood was dripping onto his toes.' In that moment, her mind entered a strange, focused state where there was no time for emotions, only the necessity of prioritizing.
She believes this was the moment when the only way forward was to tackle the problem rather than getting lost in it. Although Jug held back tears upon seeing his mother, he called her by the nickname 'Gayu,' rushed into her embrace, and started crying. Later, she realized he had been looking for her, going down one floor and up two to find her. Until that point, he had kept his emotions bottled up.
Instead of panicking, her mind became 'fully functional.' She focused on stopping the bleeding, finding the nearest doctor, and planning the trip to the hospital.
Finding calm during a half-hour drive
Since the hospital was a thirty-minute drive away, she and her husband Arvind became unusually quiet. Their son sat on her lap the entire ride, mumbling 'ouch, ouch,' while she soothed him, promising play after the doctor's visit. Gayatri notes: 'We first understood that we do not control how the world works. But this calmness was important so our son would feel safe.'
Later, a relative who drove them to the hospital commented on how calm she remained. This observation made her rethink something she had never consciously considered before: how parental reactions affect children's experience of difficult moments.
What calm parenting truly means
She clearly draws a line between staying calm and being permissive. Gayatri explains that 'calmness does not mean the absence of discipline.' For her, it means trying not to add her own emotional chaos to a situation the child is already trying to process.
This principle applies to both serious emergencies and minor daily moments, such as a sibling argument or a tantrum over screen time. Her method is to set boundaries but refuse to yell. She tells the children: 'You are allowed to be angry, but the answer will remain no.' She adds: 'I am here when you are ready.' The child can still be upset, but the parent does not have to be.
The three-second pause rule she now uses
This idea has also influenced her approach to daily parenting. Children can return from school with a whole 'spectrum of emotions'—whether it's an argument with a friend, a conflict with a brother, a tantrum, or just a tough day. By the end of a long day, the parent can be just as emotionally drained.
Her strategy is simple: take a three-second pause. 'When I know I don't like how things are going, I pause for three seconds to recalibrate before reacting,' she states. In her opinion, these three seconds are enough to choose a response instead of just reacting.
Even when she loses patience, she believes parents should not drown in guilt. She admits: 'I lose patience too, and there are times when I panic or react in ways I regret later.' It is important, she says, to recognize the impact of one's behavior, apologize when necessary, and try not to repeat the same reaction. 'An apology doesn't make us less of parents. It shows our children that we are aware of our actions and are willing to correct them.'
The person we hope to become
Perhaps the most important lesson she learned from that morning is not about never being afraid. It is about being a stable presence despite the fear. Even today, when life feels overwhelming, she turns to her father. He doesn't always solve the problem, but observing his calmness gives her strength to face difficulties.
Perhaps this is what children need from us. We cannot prevent every fall, disappointment, tantrum, or frightening moment. But we can show them what facing such moments looks like. We can breathe, pause, listen to them, set boundaries, and find the next step. And above all, become the person they know they can turn to when the world suddenly becomes scary.
