The series 'Parenting: What Google Doesn't Say' from The Better India documents the real experiences of families in raising children, offering honest and diverse views on everyday parenting challenges that search engines cannot always explain.
Often after a long day, parents feel tired and want to be in silence, but children may immediately demand attention, suggesting games or walks. The instinct might be to say 'I'm fine' or simply endure exhaustion so the child doesn't see the struggle.
However, a phrase like 'Mommy is tired today, I need a little rest' can teach the child something valuable. Parents often try to protect children from complex emotions, but children notice changes very quickly—a tired face, a quiet voice, or reduced patience. When we calmly name our feelings instead of hiding them or letting them spill out, we give the child an opportunity to master emotions in a healthy way.
Parenting coach Shivani Tyagi recently demonstrated this principle in a simple situation with her daughter. After a seven- or eight-hour car ride, Shivani arrived at the hotel completely exhausted. Her daughter Ahana, on the other hand, was ready to play.
When Ahana suggested going for a walk or drawing, Shivani did not pretend everything was fine, but simply said, 'Ahana, I am very, very tired and worn out. I need some time.'
Soon Ahana came over and sat next to her, hugging and kissing her. For Shivani, this moment became a reminder that children do not necessarily need to see parents hiding their emotions; they need to observe what healthy emotional expression looks like.
Children learn to express emotions by watching us
When parents hide every complex emotion, children can still sense that something is wrong. A tense jaw, heavy silence, or a sudden change in tone can make them wonder, 'Is Mom upset? Did I do something wrong?'
Naming the feeling gives them necessary context. According to Shivani, 'By naming feelings calmly, we simultaneously teach three things: all emotions are allowed here, feelings can be voiced rather than exploded, and difficult moments pass.'
Thus, instead of silently withdrawing due to tiredness, a parent can say, 'Mommy feels tired today. I need a few quiet minutes to rest.' The child learns that tiredness is normal, and a break is a healthy response.
Try this three-step approach
Shivani advises sticking to a simple method: name the feeling, state your needs, and soothe the child. For example, if you feel tired, you can say, 'Mommy's body is very tired today. I need a rest, and then we will play.'
If you are frustrated, you can say, 'I feel upset, so I will take a few deep breaths before we talk.'
If you feel depressed, you can say, 'A lot is happening today, and I feel it all at once. Let's slow down together.'
It is also important to reassure the child, especially if they look worried. Parents can add, 'This is not because of you. Adults also experience strong feelings, and I know how to take care of mine.'
Let them see the feeling, not carry it
Expressing emotions in front of children does not mean sharing all adult problems with them. Financial worries, marital conflicts, or health fears are burdens that children should not carry.
Similarly, excessive emotional outbursts toward a child can make them feel responsible for comforting the parent. The goal is to show them a manageable, healthy version of the emotion: 'I am worried, so I will take a moment of quiet,' instead of involving them in the worry.
Over time, these small moments teach children that emotions are neither scary nor something to hide. They can say, 'I am sad.' They can ask for a break. They can seek a hug. And, as Ahana did, they can learn that sometimes the best response to 'I am tired' is simply to sit next to them and offer some love.