UK Government Proposes Night Curfew for Social Media for Teens Over 16

Recently, there has been a sharp increase in the use of therapy-related terminology on social media. People have started frequently using concepts such as 'narcissism,' 'gaslighting,' and most commonly, 'boundaries.'

However, in the pursuit of protecting one's inner peace, we risk losing the essence of the issue. One of the most common questions received in correspondence is something like: 'How can I set clear boundaries in a relationship without becoming a controlling partner?'

The Difference Between a Boundary and Control

This is an extremely important question. In the pursuit of not being taken advantage of, many people build fortress walls around themselves, calling them 'boundaries,' while others leave the doors open, not understanding why they continue to suffer.

It is necessary to understand the subtle balance of boundaries, as both extreme approaches can destroy a partnership, and also to understand how to conduct such a conversation correctly.

First and foremost, it must be realized that a boundary and a controlling rule are not the same thing. Although they may look similar at first glance, their internal purpose is diametrically opposed.

A boundary is related to self-control; it is a statement about what a person will do to protect their own dignity and peace of mind. It focuses entirely on the individual's actions.

A controlling rule, on the other hand, is aimed at controlling another; it is a demand or prescription intended to dictate, restrict, or monitor the partner's behavior.

The Health Test for Relationships

An example of a healthy boundary sounds like this: 'I cannot stay in a relationship where I am lied to.' A controlling rule asserts: 'You are not allowed to go out with friends because I don't trust what you will do.'

Relationships need structure to survive, but like a house, this structure must be strong yet flexible enough to withstand a storm.

For years, hard and soft limits have been discussed, most often in the context of sexual encounters. Rarely is it discussed what is acceptable and unacceptable outside the bedroom.

When a relationship is governed by an endless list of strict rules, it suffocates intimacy. If you constantly monitor who your partner talks to, what they wear, or how they spend every minute of the day under the guise of protecting your boundaries, you are not in a partnership, but in a high-security prison.

Ultimately, the partner will start to distance themselves, accumulate resentment, or rebel against the restrictions. True love cannot exist without trust and freedom.

The Risks of Lacking Boundaries

On the other hand, starting a relationship without any boundaries is a recipe for quiet resentment. If you constantly suppress your dissatisfaction for the sake of 'keeping the peace,' you are not showing tolerance, but slowly undermining your own self-respect.

Without established boundaries, sooner or later you will wake up feeling completely undervalued, exhausted, and bitter toward a partner who doesn't even realize they are violating your invisible lines.

How to Have a Conversation About Boundaries

If you realize that the scale of your relationship is heavily tilted in either direction, it is time to sit down and talk. Here is how to have this conversation without provoking a defensive war.

Timing Matters

Never try to set a boundary in the middle of a fight. Wait for a neutral, calm moment, such as a quiet Sunday morning walk or after a relaxed dinner. As regular readers know, the author prefers moments during a car ride, as the conversational partner has nowhere to run!

Start by expressing your commitment: 'I love our relationship and want to ensure that we both feel safe and respected.'

Focus on Your Experience

Frame the conversation based on your feelings and needs, not on your partner's mistakes. Instead of saying, 'You never check in, and that is disrespectful,' try saying: 'I feel intense anxiety when I don't hear from you for hours during trips. It helps me feel connected when we send a quick message.'

It is important to remember that a boundary requires your action if it is violated. Clearly define what you will do for yourself. For example: 'If we start yelling at each other during an argument, I will take a 20-minute walk to calm down before we continue.'

Make It a Joint Effort

After stating your position, pass the ball to your partner. Ask: 'How do you feel about this? Does this seem reasonable to you, or is there a way to adjust it so it works for both of us?' This prevents the partner from feeling cornered.

Boundaries are not a weapon to punish a partner nor a shield to push people away. When set correctly, boundaries become a roadmap to intimacy. They show your partner how to love you well, without having to guess.

This winter, as we huddle warmer, let's focus on building bridges of clear communication, not walls of control. Your relationship will thank you for it.

Certain aspects of life, such as jobs, colleagues, friends, or former partners, resemble boomerangs. In the past, there was a belief that if something failed the first time, repeating the attempt was doomed to fail. However, the author believes that nowadays people can be more aware of what they are getting into for a second time.

Reasons for Returning

Returning to previous circumstances concerns not only resuming relationships but also work that does not bring satisfaction. The question arises as to why people keep returning: is it hypnosis or some special mental influence? The author cites an example from the series 'Cape Fear,' where medication alters a person's thinking, making them completely dependent on another's will, which is compared to the boomerang effect.

People are also prone to justifying their return to what is known to cause pain and what is likely to be unhelpful in both the long and short term. Reasons may include an unwillingness to be alone, as well as a feeling of greater security in a familiar environment, even when clear signs of danger are present.

The Search for Meaning and Caution

When a client constantly returns to a life situation or a former partner keeps reappearing, the question of the reason arises. Perhaps it is destiny, or perhaps the universe is preoccupied with other matters and does not monitor every small detail. Sometimes events happen simply by chance, without a deep hidden lesson; sometimes they are intended, and sometimes they are not.

The author recalls the modern parable of 'The Scorpion and the Butterfly,' which touches upon the theme of trusting intuition and accepting that one cannot change another person's true nature. This story also reminds us that leaving can be an act of self-preservation, not a sign of defeat. The butterfly, unafraid, approached the scorpion, who was captivated by her gentle world. She showed him quiet mornings and tranquility, and for a while, he softened.

Immutability of Nature and Self-Preservation

However, the scorpion's instincts did not change. He felt a growing, inexplicable desire that he tried to ignore and change himself for the sake of the butterfly. One night, without warning, he stung her in her sleep. Despite immediate regret and apologies, damage had been done. The broken butterfly's heart realized the necessity of leaving for its own safety, understanding that love does not negate nature, and hope does not always change reality. Love cannot flourish if the nature of one of the individuals constantly causes pain.

The author emphasizes that people do not always intentionally cause harm, and not everyone is a narcissist; many are simply formed differently. Regardless of the path chosen, whether it is the first, second, or third time, one should follow it because it is your choice and what brings you happiness. It is important to listen to those who care about you, as protecting one's inner peace is necessary, because an unhappy heart will ultimately affect both the mind and the body.

A joint campaign organized by FOUR PAWS South Africa and Mdzananda Animal Clinic successfully mobilized community support, providing 67 'Kennels of Hope' enclosures and hundreds of aid packages for dogs in Hyaliteche.

Goals and Results of the Campaign

This initiative was launched in the spirit of Nelson Mandela's legacy and aimed to provide vital shelter and food for pets living in resource-limited areas. The campaign significantly exceeded its initial goals, distributing over 670 food kits to support local pet owners.

The project relied on a wide network of participants, including students from Micklefield Primary School, who helped FOUR PAWS staff and Ambassador Carishma Basday pack the aid packages.

Significance of the Enclosures and Support

The kennels were designed to offer necessary protection from harsh weather conditions, thereby addressing a critical need for animal welfare in the region. Fiona Miles, Director of FOUR PAWS South Africa, noted the broader impact of this campaign, stating: 'This campaign is a powerful reminder of what we can achieve when compassion turns into action.' She added that together with partners and supporters, they not only met but surpassed their goal, providing significant support to the dogs that need it most.

Role of Sponsors and Clinics

Corporate sponsors such as Hill’s Pet Food, K9 Pet Foods, and Montego Dog Food played a key role in implementing the project, providing food kits that helped alleviate daily feeding challenges for families in the area. Marcel du Plessis, Fundraising and Communications Executive at Mdzananda Animal Clinic, emphasized the tangible benefits of delivering these resources. She noted that such initiatives have a real and measurable impact on pet owners in their community. The kennels provide dignity and shelter, while the food kits offer relief to families striving to care for their animals.

This successful project reflects the growing commitment to animal welfare in South Africa and underscores the importance of collective action in improving the lives of companions in underserved areas.