The country faces numerous serious problems, including the functioning of the judicial commission, rising crime rates, inflation, and the slow decay of the state apparatus. The author expresses dissatisfaction with how the grocery store Woolworths behaves excessively dramatically, much like a teenager on social media.
Contrast with other chains
The author contrasts Woolworths with other local retailers. For instance, Pick n Pay is described as a normal store currently undergoing a complex corporate restructuring without attracting undue attention. Checkers and Boxer are also mentioned as stores focused on selling goods without creating international incidents. Spar, meanwhile, is presented as a place where one can buy simple food on a Sunday without drama.
Woolworths' Drama
In the author's view, Woolworths cannot simply sell groceries; it must present itself as an 'absurdist theatre.' An example is cited where the appearance of Israeli couscous sparked debates about global geopolitics, and subsequent explosions at the Menlyn and Bloemfontein stores drew far more public attention than similar incidents at Shoprite.
The Beyers Chocolates Crisis
Another example of drama is the crisis surrounding the bankruptcy of Beyers Chocolates. Instead of simply switching to another brand, this event escalated into a constitutional crisis, provoking calls from the 'Chuckles Ultras,' or Democratic Alliance, to amend the Competition Act. People began panic-buying chocolate.
Link to Political Events
The author draws a parallel between the chocolate tragedy and the current political climate. He points to 'exclusivity agreements' that Woolworths used to eliminate Beyers, comparing it to the situation where Suliman Karim, a businessman from the North West province, was supposed to have an exclusive agreement with the Madlanga Commission but violated it by visiting the imported cheese section in the Western Cape.
The 'secret formulas' are also compared: while Woolworths executives accused Beyers of stealing recipes, Karim and his lawyers were developing their own medical formula. This formula was legally sound in the Pretoria court but vanished in the atmosphere of fresh Woolworths produce. The author asserts that Woolworths possesses a 'dark corporate power' to destroy companies, but also a 'divine, miraculous power' to heal people, such as Karim, who recovered after smelling chicken.
A Store for Psychopaths
The question arises as to why Woolworths specifically attracts the nation's 'highly functional psychopaths.' Firstly, it serves as a 'class passport'; a person spotted at a local kiosk is a suspect, but at Sandton Woolworths, surrounded by organic berries and artisanal biltong, they instantly mask themselves as part of the elite. Secondly, psychopaths appreciate absolute control: Woolworths is a sterile sanctuary where all products are perfectly proportioned and hermetically sealed, resembling a high-tech forensic laboratory. Thirdly, there is no 'price empathy' here; for a psychopath, the high markup on basic products is a way to assert dominance over the local economy.
In conclusion, the author reiterates that the country faces serious issues and does not need a grocery store to behave so dramatically. He calls on Woolworths to 'be quiet' and allow people to calmly buy grilled chicken.