Nika van der Merwe, who was born in South Africa, is a content creator and social media strategy specialist, as well as the founder of the She Wanders Club. She openly discussed what it is like to live married to international rugby star Duhaan van der Merwe.
The Reality of Being a WAG
The lives of wives and girlfriends of rugby players (WAGs) often appear flawless on social media, but behind the glossy posts lies a lifestyle full of sacrifices and uncertainty. Van der Merwe, who lives in Edinburgh, Scotland, regularly publishes lifestyle content and runs the popular 'Girlie’s Guide to Rugby' series on TikTok.
Unpredictable Schedule
One of the first lessons she learned is that planning anything is practically impossible. She emphasized that one must give up on this dream because team selection, injuries, and league standing can change everything at any moment. 'Selection, injury, table position—all of this can affect whether your husband will be around, or if you can go on vacation, celebrate birthdays, everything.'
Relationship Issues and Loneliness
Another difficult aspect is the necessity of long periods of separation. Van der Merwe noted that people get used to being alone. Given international commitments, training camps, and club events, she estimates that players might be absent for about 70% of the relationship time. Although she likes her independence, she admitted that one thing still causes difficulty: 'One of the worst things is going to sleep alone.'
Rugby Culture and Public Opinion
Van der Merwe also refuted the common notion that rugby is an atmosphere of a close-knit family. She stated that rugby is not always 'one big happy family.' While she describes rugby as an incredible community, she believes it is still a workplace where personality conflicts can arise. She advised not to hold grudges, as players often move to other clubs, and you might encounter your past 'arch-nemesis.'
Emotional Impact of Results
Another lesson she learned is that the emotional impact of results extends far beyond the athletes themselves. Wins and losses affect not just one person; defeats are felt by the entire family, coaching staff, friends, and fans. Furthermore, dealing with online criticism is difficult. 'The comments left everywhere on social media have a huge impact.'
Importance of Personal Life
According to Van der Merwe, many players avoid social media after a disappointing match because 'the world is harsh,' while partners learn to focus on encouraging messages and ignore negativity. Nevertheless, she considers it vital for partners to build their own lives. She urged partners to develop their own hobbies, careers, and interests, adding that having personal interests has become 'the most fun part of the partnership.' Van der Merwe also noted a strong community among rugby partners who support each other while the players are away.
Uncertainty and Gratitude
She stressed that there are very few guarantees in professional rugby. An injury, contract termination, or unexpected transfer can require families to suddenly change their residence, moving to a new city or even another country. Despite all the sacrifices, Van der Merwe stated that she would not regret this choice, saying: 'Would I choose this life again? Without hesitation.' She concluded her story with an expression of deep gratitude to her husband for the life he gave them, noting that the experience gained and the countries visited are incredible, but inevitably accompanied by difficulties.
